Who messed up the Software ???
Pink Taxi, fag and PCC slap on the back for Jan Moir
I've never met Jan Moir or if I have it would have been at one time, during my long and distinguished drinking career, now sadly a distant twinkle. It would be in the back bar at El Vino's in Londons' Fleet Street (the late Nigel Dempster and Peter McKay (McHackey) would be at the front bar alcove on the right as you enter. Or perhaps later in the Kensington basement car park underneath the Daily Mail Building? Should explain, it was turned into a drinking/dining club Scribes West - hosted and part owned at one time by a Mr Terry Venables (of footy fame and a dab hand on the Karry-Oaki-Dokey machine - if you like 'My Way' sung like that).
I say this as I have this vivid picture of Jan knocking back a few gin martinis, a couple of Advocaat snowballs, a pink gin or two and a slug of Jack Daniels for good measure. Then just as she is about to start an evenings entertainment, a few moir (?) drinks perhaps, the office telephones.
A battle weary Sub-Editor (if they still have them) drones down the phone:"Stephen Gately has died", "Stephen WHO? You dare to ring me for this?! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM??!!"
At this point Jan reveals her softer side: "OK get me the cuttings from the Mo[ir]gue and I'll give you 750 sassy words. No one will read it as Baz and co will go celeb. overboard and I doubt if it will make the final edition."
Conspiracy theory or cock-up? The latter perhaps, in the biblical sense. Little was she to realise that the paper having already stupidly upset Tory MP hopeful (and possibly Alan A'Dales long lost bastard strolling minstral son - or was it Jim Dale?) the magnificent Iain Dale no less. ("He's a bugger Lord Rogermere, NO a BLOGGER, you fool!" the comment lost in the white noise of truth..).
Jan smoothes down the creases in her M&S blue polka dot dress - if its good enough for Mrs Cameron it's OK pour Moir! She happily tells anyone who will listen that "Mr Rose had given her one!" Falling over the threshold of the office, clearing a ton of detritus from the first available desk,clutching a box of grubby well thumbed cuttings, Jan begins, but first licking the traces of Advocaat from her parched but quivering lips....
Point par..In fact, it is rather depressingly familiar. But somehow we never expected it of him. Never him. Not Stephen Gately...In the cheerful environs of Boyzone, Gately was always charming, cute, polite and funny.,,, even though he could barely carry a tune in a Louis Vuitton trunk.... the Posh Spice of Boyzone...Gately came out as gay in 1999.... effectively smoked out of the closet
Brilliant post Julian, made me laugh and a little laugh is what all the wagon jumpers need right now.
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Subject to creditlineThe sub-editor now standing to attention at his desk and not having the benefit of a good liquid lunch, just a few overpriced dried out cardboard sandwiches and a glass of Hock. "Err, I think you used to work here?" replies the deskbound hack warming to the challenge and knowing he has the power to ruin social and love lives, holidays and anything else that gets in the way of a good story.
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