Who's the Dummy Now? Was Archie Andrews with Peter Brough
Followers of my Twitter stream will have known for days that David Miliband was set to pack up his tent if 'knife-in-the-back' younger bruv. Red Ed. donned the Labour Leader mantle. I was tipped off by a close member of the family who was not that displeased to see how things have turned out.
The same source also tipped me off about Gordon Browns mental state many months before the Red Tops (see how easy the red tag fits?) fell out of El Vinos in Fleet Street to write up the story (the Velvin Claret is excellent!).
Don't be too upset about Dave as within a few days, the lucrative job offers he's had already will turn into a torrent. MY guess is that the USA will be on the agenda. Mrs. Dave can be forgiven for bursting into tears, after all apart from stuffing mountains of envelopes with questionable party political material, what are the rewards ?
The front bench and a a nice cushty shadow portfolio or the big job as leader. Gets even better if you have a working or trophy wife on your arm. Then a new generation of 'interns', will additionally provide a dash of eye candy and as the older male generations know, a little spot of intimate convivial overtime can sometimes be generated, just don't spoil the dress!
Youger bruv. hates being pigeonholed Red Ed but unless he can bring to light some of his other talents or the political version of the Strictly Come Dancing trainers and mentors can turn the hapless leader in to something that distantly resembles an opposition front leader rather than a panda eyed zombielike bag carrier, the tag will stick!
Red Ed used the term 'new generation' no less than fifteen times in his 'everywhichwaybutloose' portaprompt fed ramble on taking up the poisoned chalice of head boy (sorry leader).
Another worry is that the decidely 'well old generation ' Red Ken' is running for London Mayor against Boris. Doomed to failure of course, Boris Bykes works but Red Ken Bikes or Ken Bikes just does not have the ring to it.
Even then the rejected older Miliband bruv. managed to steal the limelight with a lip read theatrical verbal aside when young bruv. berated the conference over one or another of the war slates we are currently paying for.
I fear that unless 'notreddyeddie' (here we go again...just too easy) gets some very heavyweight voice and presentation training, his tenue as leader could well be cut short, no very short.
Yes, I'd love to have a crack at it, Ed is ideal transformation material, new hairstyle, vocal clip/ping training, losing the Wallace (of Wallace and Grommit) side of the mouth lip routine and the recurring lisp delivery, engage a decent speech writer who understands the miliband trigger phrases, some cosmetic bleaching under the eye sacks. All good stuff.
Why me? Well I do have a track record in this area and thanks to my Union Equity, a £10 million public liability insurance policy in case it goes pearshaped and I produce a Cameron clone. Ed Miliband MP is not an orator and judging by the 'spotty numpties' who have been popping up as pundits on conference television, we are in for more of the 'whatever' generation. Well mingin' like!
Contributor: Media & Aviation Expert Julian Bray SKYPE: Julian.Bray.UK Landline: 01733 345581 Mobile: 07944 217476 ISDN2 down line ++44(0)1733 555 319 (Broadcasters) G722 & APT-X Dual Codecs GlensoundC5
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